The Reading List: Woolf

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In the last couple of months I seem to have developed quite the obsession with Virginia Woolf. It's not a particularly new obsession - I explained more about it here - but it always used to be a quiet buzz in the background, whereas now it's pretty hard to ignore. The most recent trigger for my fervent Woolf-loving was Alexandra Harris's excellent biography-cum-introduction, Virginia Woolf. It was fascinating learning more about Woolf as a person and her mindset during the writing of each new work.

Almost immediately upon finishing Harris's book I started perusing my shelves looking for my next Woolf-related read. As there is so much choice, I have limited myself to the following list as a starting point:

Virginia Woolf by Hermione Lee
I've owned this for years, but have always been too intimidated by its size. Now I have Harris's introduction under my belt, I think this will be an easier challenge.

The Voyage Out 
I started this in sixth form and think it is about time I finished it.

The Common Reader
I've read the odd essay from this collection and I'm really eager to read it in its entirety.

Orlando
Another one that has been languishing on my shelves for an abominably long time. Harris's descriptions of Woolf's writing process for this novel make it sound like a particularly lively read.

A Writer's Diary
Susan Hill made me buy this collection of Woolf's thoughts on being a writer.  I think it will be fascinating to have a behind the scenes look at her thoughts.

Eventually I would like to be able to get through Woolf's entire body of work, though I think it may take some time (she is an author who often gives me a book hangover).

How about you, are you a fan of Woolf? 

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New In

This weekend I felt a particular need for some bibliotherapy. My sister just so happens to work a stones throw away from Waterstones Piccadilly and, as I was meeting her for her break, I proposed we meet there and delight in the bookish wonders together. I don't go to Waterstones Piccadilly much as I tend to hang out around Charing Cross Road and spend all my pennies in Foyles, so it made a nice change to get happily lost in a different bookshop. And, of course, I felt much better after buying three books I've had my eye on for some time.

He Wants by Alison Moore

After Me Comes the Flood by Sarah Perry

New Grub Street by George Gissing


My sister bought The Quick and To Rise Again at a Decent Hour.

Three cheers for bibliotherapy! Have you read any of these?

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Recently Read

My reading has slowed down quite a bit recently. I think I only finished one or two books in the whole month of September, and one of those was cutting it a bit fine on the 30th. I've been reading, but in a very promiscuous way (the towering pile of books I'm half way through is getting threateningly high). I wouldn't say I'm in a slump, more than I don't feel like finishing books at the moment as being half way through can be so very exciting. There's nothing better than not knowing what's coming, sometimes.

For the past week and a bit I've been fighting off a nasty cold/virus so I have spent quite a lot of time feeling sorry for myself wrapped in a blanket with tea and a book. When I've not been napping or re-discovering my love of watching films/TV, I've been reading. I've also been attempting to run which, as I now know, is not a good idea when you're actually pretty poorly.

Anyway, I've read some corkers recently, many of which were hyped books that have thankfully lived up to the hype.

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion Almost every review of this I have read has waxed lyrical about The Rosie Project's feel good effect. I agree with every single one. Although sometimes the narrative grated on me, I loved the characters and thought the ending was charming.

The Dinner by Herman Koch My sister read this before me and recommended it (not that I needed the extra nudge). I love an untrustworthy narrator, and it was done so well here.

The Round House by Louise Erdrich I found this to be a very sad read, but the narrators voice and the slow (yet perfectly pacey) revelations made it a compelling read.

This is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett I'm still working my way through this excellent collection of essays. I fell in love with Patchett's non-fiction style when I read her essay 'The Bookshop Strikes Back' (which is included in this collection). She is witty, thoughtful, and warm.

The Night Guest by Fiona McFarlane I picked this up at my favourite second hand store on Charing Cross Road and read it straight away. It was haunting, beautifully written and surprisingly emotive. I would really recommend this one.

A Life of One's Own by Ilana Simons This is a strange book, a kind of self-help based on the life and philosophies of Virginia Woolf. The author addresses the fact that perhaps Woolf isn't the best person for a self-help book to be based on, but she manages to make it work. There is less of Woolf in there than I'd like, but it was still an interesting read.

Have you read any good books lately?

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Feel the Fear

Pretty much everyday for as long as I can remember my Mum has been telling me to feel the fear and do it anyway. It is usually exactly what I need to hear to give me the confidence to do something, go somewhere or speak to someone.

I've always been the anxious kid, the one who's face tells their every emotion (yes, thank you bright red cheeks), and their every fear. I've been told I'm 'scared of life', 'scared of my own shadow' and that people are amazed I can actually walk out of the door. I shrug it off and say yes, I'm phobic and yes, it stops me doing a lot of things. But then whenever I am able to do something, go somewhere or speak to someone I'm always struck by such a huge sense of achievement. If I can do that, even feeling like this, I can do anything.

I've mentioned before that, for the last few years, I've not been making New Years Resolutions apart from one, which has been keeping me going since about 2011. It was New Years Eve 2013, as I stood under the Eiffel Tower, having agreed to go to Paris to meet new people and try new things, that I realised that my yearly resolution has been working. Just saying yes, agreeing to do things without thinking of the 'what ifs', had changed the way I did things. Essentially, it meant I did do things.

Remembering to feel the fear and do it anyway is a big part of being able to say yes, oui, si, da, ja. I was terrified when I decided to move to London, and almost hysterical when the moving day actually came around, but I channelled that fear into something useful. Now, over a year later, I know that moving was the best thing I could have done. Granted it's not been all smooth sailing and I still have days where my bed seems a better option than facing the wide world, but I don't think I would have such an enthusiasm for life if it wasn't for that fear hiding in the corners of my mind. Fear makes me appreciative, it makes me stronger and keeps me going.

I have a few tips I rely on when the inevitable fear overload day comes around which I thought I'd share as I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one who struggles with excessive fear.

Breathe Deep It may sound obvious, but I've been known to forget to breathe properly and end up in all sorts of awkward hyperventilation situations (there's never a paper bag when you need one). When I start to panic/ freak out/ worry I can always feel it in my stomach. Those pesky butterflies are not always the signifier of good things. Even before my stomach has completed its first flip, I've whisked myself off to a quiet spot to focus on taking a deep breathe, inhaling deeply through my nose and back out through my mouth. Focusing on the mechanics of it can be a pretty useful distraction.

Memorise I know a few poems/songs off by heart and I find reciting the words either in my head or under my breathe can help bring me back to the moment. Panic at the Disco's 'There's a good reason these tables are numbered honey. You just haven't thought of it yet' got me through my GCSE exams. Sitting in a hall, in silence, surrounded by a entire school year of students was never my idea of a good time. Happily, I was in a Panic at the Disco phase and could sing most of their songs in my head. Crisis averted! I also know a few poems by William Blake and Invictus by William Ernest Henley is a good one for encouraging courage and strength.

Analyse Instead of trying to ignore the situation and what is making me feel scared, I sometimes find it useful to analyse the situation. If I can discern what the trigger is then I can either work on it, or know to avoid it in the future. I know from experience that going into cafes or restaurants I've never been to before scares me silly because I hate not knowing how things work and always worry that I'm doing something wrong and making a massive social mistake. By knowing that I can take steps to address the fear before it hits. I would still much rather go into a Starbucks than an independent cafe when I'm alone, but I try new places with other people first so I can feel more comfortable if I decide to go it alone.

Shrug It Off and Start Again Even with the greatest will and the best coping mechanisms in the world, it doesn't always mean the fear dissipates. There are times when I know I have to give up and remove myself from situations before I really get into panic mode, but that's okay and it's important to know it's okay. When that happens it's important not to dwell on it or let it drag you down. I have lists of everything I have achieved, from the small things (asking a sales assistant for help in a shop) to the big things (eating in a restaurant by myself). Referring to these lists and remembering that I can do it gives that little boost of confidence to know that I can try again on another day.

Sometimes it does feel like I'm scared of life, but I'm a firm believer in taking things one day at a time and remembering that fear is necessary and, if channelled correctly, can be beneficial.

Thanks to Susan Jeffers for writing 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' which inspired my Mum and me in turn.

How about you, do you have any tips for coping with the things that scare you?

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To the Lighthouse

'She had known happiness, exquisite happiness, intense happiness, and it silvered the rough waves a little more brightly, as daylight faded, and the blue went out of the sea and it rolled in waves of pure lemon which curved and swelled and broke upon the beach and the ecstasy burst in her eyes and waves of pure delight raced over the floor of her mind and she felt, It is enough! It is enough!'

My relationship with Woolf has been a rocky one. I spent the first twenty years of my life vowing to never read her novels because I questioned the sort of person who would write what I then wholeheartedly categorised as 'difficult' books. I first encountered her properly at A Level, but even then we were given the choice to read The Voyage Out or George Gissing's The Odd Women and the entire class chose the latter (which is, incidentally, a brilliant book). So Woolf again, unfortunate as it may be, stayed in her difficult box and I moved on without a second glance.

Fast forward a few years and I'm in my final year at uni studying a module on Modernism for which To the Lighthouse was a set text. Ignoring my many mumblings and grumblings, I started to read it. I read a few pages, then a few more. I met Mr and Mrs Ramsey, Lily Briscoe and Augustus Carmichael. I met the Ramsey brood and the two lovers flung together by Mrs Ramsey's matchmaking. Then I reached Time Passes and felt the war ravage the family and the house. And that was it, I was hooked. 

Since then I have read it numerous times for study and for my own enjoyment, taking something new from its pages every time. It was pretty much a given then a few weeks ago, when I was in dire need of a serious comfort read after finishing Crime and Punishment, that I'd pick it up again.

I have two copies of To the Lighthouse - one is a much annotated and very old Penguin classics which my Mum read in the eighties and passed on to me, the other is the mind-blowingly beautiful folio edition pictured. I stumbled upon this on Etsy and ordered it immediately. It's second hand and missing the slip case, but my goodness is it a work of art. This folio edition is the only one I have in London (I have a little display of my most beautiful books), so this time I re-read it without all my familiar notes and markings reminding me of passages I'd loved before or sections which link to various literary theories. I have to say, it was quite refreshing.

I think with Woolf, re-reads are almost obligatory. Her prose and the way she sees, interprets and describes life is so fluid and mutable that it seems to change as you change. I've now read To the Lighthouse at 20, 22 and 24 and, though the ages are not that disparate, each time I have been in an entirely different environment and situation: undergrad, postgrad and living in what is still a new city to me. This latest re-read has perhaps been the most interesting and the most inspiring.

Re-reading To the Lighthouse was the best decision I've made in a while. Sometimes you just need a book that is familiar and unfamiliar to reignite your spark for life. As Lily Briscoe puts down her paintbrush in the final moments of the novel, satisfied that she has had her 'vision', I felt a bit of a chill run down my spine. Maybe Woolf is the last person you would expect to remind you why life is wonderful, but that's what she does for me. Who knew a re-read of a book by an author who once terrified me could be so invigorating. I'd highly recommend it.

Do you have such a book? One that you've read so many times, but that each time gives you something new?

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5 Reasons Why I Love Running

My favourite route along Albert Embankment

Tomorrow morning I am doing the Women's Running 10k in Finsbury Park. It will be the first race I've run since my last disastrous half marathon a year ago. I have a dodgy hip, a leg which insists on going dead somewhere around mile four, and my training has been painful to say the least. And yet, I am unbelievably excited. I might not get the time I hope for and I might exacerbate my dodgy hip and end up walking funny for while, but I don't care because I'll be pounding those pavements doing something I love and proving to my non-runners physique that I can, and will, do it.

I have been asked before why I like to run so much and it's actually pretty simple. Let me break it down for you.

1. The Quiet Waking up at stupid o'clock in the morning, lacing up my trainers and heading out before anyone else is even thinking of stirring is such a peaceful feeling. Although I live and run in London where you're hard-pressed to find any kind of solitude, it is surprisingly quiet running along the South Bank at dawn. Quiet and so very beautiful.

2. Anger Management Running is an excellent way to release any pent-up frustration. I tend to do short fast runs when I'm particularly worked up as I find channelling my energy into speed is a really good way to let go of any unwanted thoughts. You can't really focus on anger when you're busy trying to run your fastest mile. Starting arguments with people in my head is also an excellent way to get up a big hill.

3. The Buzz This is probably the most obvious reason for loving running: it makes you feel so darn good. If I do a really good run - hell, even if I do a really bad run - I feel like I can take on the day. 

4. Strength I run to prove to myself that I can. I run to improve to remind myself that I can do things, that I can achieve something if I put my mind to it. There is also an element of needing to prove to others that I can which probably isn't healthy. But for the most part I run to know that I can, and knowing that I can makes me stronger, more confident and a lot happier. This is the main reason I run.

5. Thinking Time Running is pretty conducive to thinking. I think about all sorts when I'm out. Sometimes really mundane things like what I'll cook for dinner, but other times I'll think about the big stuff, like what my life goals are. Goal setting whilst running is a good way to allow yourself to aim high - if you're on mile seven and still feeling strong then your motivation levels are probably taking quite the boost. There are days though when I don't want to think about anything except my legs, my lungs and the way my feet feel as they hit the floor. And that's alright too.

Running for me is more mental than physical. The physical aspects are huge and can't be ignored (hello, thunder thighs), but what I take from running and the many positive results are all mental. I run to feel good, to feel strong, to feel confident and, most of all, to have faith in myself.

If you're a runner why do you run? 

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Autumn

Sweater Weather | Slippers | Cosy Blankets | Books | Crisp morning runs | Hot tea | Crumpets

Autumn is my favourite season. As the nights slowly creep in, the trees change colour, and the morning chill becomes more pronounced, I often find my mood shifting. Although I think winter is more commonly thought of as the cosiest season, I think it is Autumn which carries that mantle. There is something about the change from hot, muggy days to cooler, crisp days that makes me want to snuggle under a blanket with a hot tea and a good book. As much as I love to be able to read outside in the sun, nothing beats a comfy sofa and a fluffy blanket.

When Autumn comes I am usually in the mood for cleaning, changing and re-organising things in my life and in the home. So far this month I have sorted out my clothes (and recycled a ridiculously large amount), scrubbed the fridge and rearranged our sitting room. Next up on the agenda is to rearrange my bedroom to hopefully be able to squeeze in a desk. I'm also going to attack my bookshelves, which have grown slightly unmanageable of late. I'm going back to Somerset next week for some r'n'r in the country so the plan is to take a load of books back in order to do a swap.

The word that I most associate with Autumn is 'nesting'. The minute we hit September and the jumpers and boots hit the shelves and there are rumours of pumpkin spiced lattes in the air, I suddenly become even more of a home-body than I usually am. I like to be at home doing really domestic tasks which, perhaps oddly, help my imagination run wild and fuel up. I hope I'm not the only one who feels their creative imagination working whilst wearing a pair of marigolds and with a scrubber in hand!

Of course, Autumn wouldn't be Autumn without books. At the moment I'm in the mood for non-fiction and unputdownables. Something that'll keep me going long after my tea has gone cold. I've a few things up my sleeve.

What does Autumn mean to you?

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