Pretty much everyday for as long as I can remember my Mum has been telling me to
feel the fear and do it anyway. It is usually exactly what I need to hear to give me the confidence to do something, go somewhere or speak to someone.
I've always been the anxious kid, the one who's face tells their every emotion (yes, thank you bright red cheeks), and their every fear. I've been told I'm 'scared of life', 'scared of my own shadow' and that people are amazed I can actually walk out of the door. I shrug it off and say yes, I'm phobic and yes, it stops me doing a lot of things. But then whenever I am able to do something, go somewhere or speak to someone I'm always struck by such a huge sense of achievement. If I can do that, even feeling like this, I can do anything.
I've mentioned before that, for the last few years, I've not been making New Years Resolutions apart from one, which has been keeping me going since about 2011. It was New Years Eve 2013, as I stood under the Eiffel Tower, having agreed to go to Paris to meet new people and try new things, that I realised that my yearly resolution has been working. Just saying yes, agreeing to do things without thinking of the 'what ifs', had changed the way I did things. Essentially, it meant I did do things.
Remembering to
feel the fear and do it anyway is a big part of being able to say yes, oui, si, da, ja. I was terrified when I decided to move to London, and almost hysterical when the moving day actually came around, but I channelled that fear into something useful. Now, over a year later, I know that moving was the best thing I could have done. Granted it's not been all smooth sailing and I still have days where my bed seems a better option than facing the wide world, but I don't think I would have such an enthusiasm for life if it wasn't for that fear hiding in the corners of my mind. Fear makes me appreciative, it makes me stronger and keeps me going.
I have a few tips I rely on when the inevitable fear overload day comes around which I thought I'd share as I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one who struggles with excessive fear.
Breathe Deep It may sound obvious, but I've been known to forget to breathe properly and end up in all sorts of awkward hyperventilation situations (there's never a paper bag when you need one). When I start to panic/ freak out/ worry I can always feel it in my stomach. Those pesky butterflies are not always the signifier of good things. Even before my stomach has completed its first flip, I've whisked myself off to a quiet spot to focus on taking a deep breathe, inhaling deeply through my nose and back out through my mouth. Focusing on the mechanics of it can be a pretty useful distraction.
Memorise I know a few poems/songs off by heart and I find reciting the words either in my head or under my breathe can help bring me back to the moment. Panic at the Disco's 'There's a good reason these tables are numbered honey. You just haven't thought of it yet' got me through my GCSE exams. Sitting in a hall, in silence, surrounded by a entire school year of students was never my idea of a good time. Happily, I was in a Panic at the Disco phase and could sing most of their songs in my head. Crisis averted! I also know a few poems by William Blake and Invictus by William Ernest Henley is a good one for encouraging courage and strength.
Analyse Instead of trying to ignore the situation and what is making me feel scared, I sometimes find it useful to analyse the situation. If I can discern what the trigger is then I can either work on it, or know to avoid it in the future. I know from experience that going into cafes or restaurants I've never been to before scares me silly because I hate not knowing how things work and always worry that I'm doing something wrong and making a massive social mistake. By knowing that I can take steps to address the fear before it hits. I would still much rather go into a Starbucks than an independent cafe when I'm alone, but I try new places with other people first so I can feel more comfortable if I decide to go it alone.
Shrug It Off and Start Again Even with the greatest will and the best coping mechanisms in the world, it doesn't always mean the fear dissipates. There are times when I know I have to give up and remove myself from situations before I really get into panic mode, but that's okay and it's important to know it's okay. When that happens it's important not to dwell on it or let it drag you down. I have lists of everything I have achieved, from the small things (asking a sales assistant for help in a shop) to the big things (eating in a restaurant by myself). Referring to these lists and remembering that I can do it gives that little boost of confidence to know that I can try again on another day.
Sometimes it does feel like I'm scared of life, but I'm a firm believer in taking things one day at a time and remembering that fear is necessary and, if channelled correctly, can be beneficial.
Thanks to Susan Jeffers for writing 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' which inspired my Mum and me in turn.
How about you, do you have any tips for coping with the things that scare you?
